Learning to Need: A Journey to Real Self-Care
Why Bubble Baths Are Nice – But Self-Care Is So Much More
Recently, in therapy, I discovered that I was living as though my only needs were food, water, and shelter—the absolute basics—the survival checklist. If I had a roof over my head, something to eat, and running water, I figured I would be absolutely fine. But as it turns out (surprise, surprise), there’s a bit more to being a whole human than just not starving or freezing.
This little lightbulb moment sent me on a mission to discover my actual needs and what self-care really means for me. And spoiler alert: self-care isn’t just bubble baths and wine – although those are definitely on the list now and then.
So, let's talk about self-care. Undoubtedly, you’ve seen this phrase all over the internet, but what does it actually mean? Is it just fancy candles and spa days? Not exactly.
Self-care is all about nurturing yourself to maintain your health and well-being.
Why is Self-Care Important?
Think of self-care as fueling your car; you won't travel far without petrol. Taking care of yourself isn’t a luxury – it's essential. If you're constantly running on fumes, everything feels hard. We all know we can’t pour from an empty cup, right?
What Gets in the Way of Self-Care?
Honestly? A bunch of stuff. Maybe you’ve convinced yourself you're not allowed to care for yourself. Or you're so used to looking after everyone else that you've forgotten how to check in with yourself. Or maybe the whole idea just feels... weird.
How Can You Practise Self-Care?
The good news is that self-care doesn’t have to be some grand, Instagram-worthy ritual. Here’s where I started:
Listen to your body. Are you tired? Hungry? Stressed? Start there.
Do small things that make you feel good – like wandering in the sun or listening to your favourite audible book.
Ask for help when you need it. It’s not a weakness – it’s human.
Work out what you need to feel okay. Is it rest? Connection? A bit of kindness?
Self-Awareness and Identifying Your Needs
One of my biggest game-changers has been learning to notice what I need. It’s not always obvious – sometimes, I’ve only realised I need rest when I’ve crashed out.
It's important to pay attention to how you feel. If you’re snappy or exhausted, your body is waving a little red flag, saying, "Hey, something’s not right!"
Feelings Aren’t Facts
I picked up this little nugget: Feelings are like warning lights, not the whole truth. Just because you feel guilty for resting doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It’s just your brain playing old tapes.
Meeting your needs isn’t selfish – it's what helps you show up as the best version of yourself. And when you're feeling good, you're a better friend, partner, parent – all of it.
I’m still figuring out what self-care looks like for me, one small step at a time. Some days, it’s a nap; others, it’s persuading myself to finally do my tax return! These are very different things, but both are acts of self-care.
So, if you’re starting out on this self-care journey, know this: You are allowed to take care of yourself. Even if it’s five minutes of deep breaths or a 20-minute park-up with a podcast, or a stomp in some puddles. Every little act of kindness towards yourself matters.
Here’s to filling our cups, one small moment at a time.