Honesty, Courage and Kindness

Giving myself permission to pause

Dear readers,

I’m sorry there was no blog post on Tuesday.

Those of you who have been following me for a while will know that I’ve been caring for my mum, who was diagnosed with a rare, progressive neurological condition called Multiple System Atrophy just over three years ago.

On Monday, Mum was really unwell, and we ended up in hospital. It was an awful experience. After more than seven hours in an overcrowded medical assessment unit, without adequate facilities to attend to Mum’s needs or make her comfortable, I made a best-interest decision to bring her home in the early hours of the morning.

Since then, we’ve had a really helpful visit from a wonderful hospice nurse. She’s offered us advice and support as we navigate what may lie ahead. The coming weeks (possibly months) are likely to be very challenging, and I’m incredibly grateful for the friends and professionals who are rallying around us.

So why am I telling you this?

Well, I had planned to write about some of the values I’ve chosen to live by: honesty, courage, kindness and adventure.

It turns out that right now, I’m having to put three of them into practice in ways I hadn’t anticipated.

Honesty: The truth is, this is horrible.

Courage: I’m digging deep to find the courage to face whatever lies ahead.

Kindness: I’m determined to give Mum the love, tenderness and care she deserves, reflecting back to her something of the wonderful care she’s given me throughout my life.

But kindness also means being kind to myself.

Sometimes, kindness means giving ourselves permission to stop, rest and simply breathe.

And right now, that means giving myself permission to have just one focus. I’m not going to expect myself to keep blogging, illustrating, producing and doing all the other things I usually do.

Who knows? There may be moments when a crazy idea pops into my head and I feel like picking up my paints or writing something. And if that happens, I might share it.

Or I might not.

For now, I’m giving myself permission to simply be here, with Mum.

One day at a time. One breath at a time.

Thank you for bearing with me. I’ll be back when I’m ready.

Love to you all,

Andrea