'Let them'

A new understanding

For those who've been keeping up with my posts, you'll be aware that I was diagnosed with complex PTSD back in 2020. It's not something I've delved into extensively in public, and I might never fully do so, but recently, I've been engaged in some deep therapy. The goal has been to peel back the layers of events and experiences that have shaped my way of living.

This week, it felt like a switch was flipped—suddenly, a light went on. Concepts I've held as truths in my mind for a long time have now sunk into my heart, and they feel genuine. Like many who have faced trauma, I've been hyper-vigilant, constantly striving to keep myself and everyone around me safe, fixing things and taking care of people.

I must have realised, on some level, that this approach wasn't working well. It only left me feeling exhausted. I was beginning to reflect on this more when I stumbled upon a new book by a podcaster named Mel Robins. Her book, The Let Them Theory, has clarified my recent thoughts.

After reading it, I wondered how I ever believed I could manage someone else's emotions, guide their thinking, or control their actions. Looking back, it seems absurd that I kept trying to do these things.

I believed I should control environments and situations so those I loved would always be comfortable and happy. But that's not how life works. It's been a revelation to realise I can allow others, especially adults, to experience their own emotions and manage their thoughts.

This realisation brings a massive sense of relief. For the first time in nearly 13 years, I genuinely believe that I could not have prevented my friend Chris’s suicide. This is a BIG deal for me. I have so many thoughts and feelings!

I am sure I will find myself applying my new understanding in many ways. There will probably be more illustrations and posts, so watch this space.

If you read The Let Them Theory, please tell me what you think in the comments below or on my Facebook page.

For now, I will sit and put my feet up.