Tell them you love them?
Sorry for the hiatus. It’s been a tough first quarter of 2024. But here I am, again, planning to post weekly.
It was the spring of 2020 when my mental health dramatically broke at work. My good friend and colleague, Julie, took the brunt of my outburst. Yet it was Julie who came to visit me when I was on sick leave. She arrived at my front door with a big smile and flowers. I couldn’t invite her in because of covid restrictions. We sat in the garden with a drink. Every time I tried to speak, my lip trembled, and tears flowed. I couldn’t even manage to get out the apology I owed. Julie sat with me for ages. I said nothing comprehensible. She said very little, but she was there. I do remember her saying, ‘I’m here for you’ and ‘you will get better.’
It’s difficult to share someone's pain. I was blessed that Julie joined me in mine. She continued to walk with me as I recovered.
Julie died last month, after bravely and positively facing cancer. I miss her. I have many happy and fun memories, but her being with me that day, as I cried in my back garden, is so precious. It exemplified how she loved. Julie and I had bonded over, work, hobbies and shared faith. Her life demonstrated the Christian love that the apostle Paul writes about in the bible;
Love is large and incredibly patient.  Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when a blessing cone'sto someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievementsone'sinflate its own importance. Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense.  Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong.  Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others.  Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up.
1 Cor 13 v 4-8 (The Passion Translation)
Julie gave me a safe place of shelter. I did my best to reciprocate. As I was leaving after visiting her earlier in the year she told me she loved me lots. The words were ones we often use in our family but they had not been said to me outside of that. I knew she loved me, she had shown it often enough. It felt strange but took only millisecs to respond with a deeply meant ‘I love you to’.
It’s got me thinking about how our society bands about the word love. We love an icecream, someones outfit or a football team. The shop assistant we hardly know calls us love. Yet we rarely tell our friends we love them.
Psychologists have described some traits of friendship love:
Loyalty. A sense of camaraderie and protectiveness.
Understanding. Knowing simply through your bond what the other person might need or expect.
Trust. Being able to confide in that person without doubt.
Acceptance. Feeling able to be yourself around that person.
Companionship. A sense of comfort and security around one another.
Enjoyment. Being together is a positive, happy, and enriching experience.
Growth. Encouraging and helping one another toward positive life outcomes.
Gratitude. A sense of appreciation for that person’s presence in your life.
Closeness. Considering someone as if they were a member of your family.
If you have a friend that you share these traits with, why not tell them you love them? It may mean the world! I’m interested in what you think. Please vote in my anonymous poll.
I’m always up for a text chat. Leave any comments here on substack or over on my Rafiki Art facebook page